Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005 - 7:21 p.m.

lacking the language

....Have you been half-asleep, and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound
That calls the young sailors
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
it's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me ....

Wednesday, so, ballet day for Kira. I remind myself, when I sit in the studio and listen to the other ballet classes being taught, that this time is past for me. I don't know why I look back so wistfully, and with such longing sometimes. I certainly don't have time in my life for it anymore, nor do I *want* to see myself in a leo and tights! I think it's all just memory magic.

Work is going more smoothly. Well, sort of. Maybe by the end of the month things will really be smooth. Maybe.

I am suffering a lack of ability to express myself these days, maybe brought on by too many details and not enough sleep. I have no real desire to put forth a social effort, but frustratingly, I feel a lack of connection. My usual solution is to withdraw, but this response is not going to serve me well, so I have to find a way to put the shield down and come out from inside the castle of my own design.

I honestly lack the language, though.

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